Today is one of those days when I really feel the weight of 10 kids and a dog. Oliver & I team teach early morning seminary (a scripture class for high school aged kids, which is taught from 6-6:50am). Today was my turn. I dragged my body out of bed at 5am, got ready, and just as I was on my way out the door, received a text message from our school district that school is cancelled today. Why? you may ask. Because in the Dallas area, when it freezes, everything shuts down. So I aroused Oliver, and we frantically started texting & calling everyone to cancel seminary. Because, of course, we follow the school district calendar. No school= No seminary. Last night we faithfully checked weather.com and there was NO indication of our little freeze. But it was confirmed as Oliver stepped outside with our newest addition Cosmo, at 5:45am and did a little plie as he slipped and slided on the back patio. The next hour was spent trying to keep Cosmo quiet (which he wasn't), turning off the kids alarm clocks so they would sleep a little longer (which they didn't), and trying to go back to sleep (which we couldn't) before we had to face the day. Sigh. So here I sit, 2 days after the kids went back to school from their Christmas vacation, pondering how I will survive today without my nap.
And then I remember what brought me to this day. And in gratitude, I remember all of the miracles that have happened over the past 5 years. Late in my final pregnancy, we changed insurances. So I changed doctors. By what I thought was a stroke of luck, our new doctor was a Latter-Day Saint also. We had had the same doctor deliver our 3 previous children while we lived in Utah. At the time of my last pregnancy, we were living in Las Vegas. My first 3 children were born by c-section, and during my first visit with our new doctor, we were discussing my 4th c-section. His words still sting.
"If you were my wife, you would have been done at 3. After this delivery, I won't deliver another baby for you. You shouldn't have more children."
Now, I know what he said was probably true. I had gestational diabetes with my 4th pregnancy. As soon as the doctor mentioned possible health complications for me and the baby if we were to get pregnant again, Oliver's mind was made up. There was no other decision for him. But me? We knew, even then, that our family wasn't complete. Tears come to my eyes even now, when I remember the turmoil of closing my womb forever. The doctor made it sound so flippantly easy.
"I'll just tie your tubes when I deliver the baby. No problem."
No problem. Except I wasn't ready to accept that I wouldn't, that I couldn't, that I shouldn't have more children. My heart ached. I prayed. And I prayed. I pleaded. I wrestled. I tried to convince myself that if God could allow Abraham and Sarah have a baby in their ripe old age, surely He could work the miracle for my womb to carry another baby. But Oliver was adamant. And in my heart of hearts, I knew he was right. Gratefully, Heavenly Father answered my prayers in an unexpected manner. (More on that next time.) So I signed the paperwork for the tubal ligation with fingers of lead. And I looked forward, with faith, to the future. The future, when surely His plan for me would become clear.
And now, back to Arctic Chill with 10 kids and a puppy.
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