Not too busy...

I work for a really good guy. He knows how important my family is to me and is pretty lenient with allowing me to take kids to doctors appointments, going to their school programs, etc. I even bring my four year old to work with me most days so I don't have to leave him at a daycare (which would emotionally kill me).

He does have a few faults though. He is notorious for using the word we. "We need to do this." or "We need to do that." He really means me. But for some reason he wont say "Will you do this?" or "Will you do that?" I don't know why is drives me crazy. But it does.

He also says "if you're not too busy." I hate that one too. Of course I am to0 busy. Last friday, I tried to make it to the bathroom 4 times before I finally gave up and realized I would have to wait until I got home from work. He owns three companies and I answer phones and do all the paperwork for all three. I carry three cell phones so when I am out of the office I can have phones transferred and not miss anything. Even when we are slow in the field, I am swamped in the office. I am always too busy.

On the upside, he is generous. I get to drop my kids off at school each morning and pick them up at the end of each day. I am able to help my husband pay the bills. And somehow, I am able to keep my sanity (not sure how, but I think I am still doing okay).

Anyway, I am obviously in a bit of a rut (I am sure you can tell by my last post) but I have vowed to find something positive to post this week. Stay tuned to see if I can change my attitude. It's up to me. Right?

The awful truth

Sometimes people ask me really stupid questions or make stupid comments and instead of giving them the brutal truth, I sugarcoat the answer.

Here are a few examples.

1. "Why don't you just change your formica countertops out for granite?"
My answer: "Oh we are waiting until we are able to renovate our entire kitchen all at once."
The answer in my head: "Are you an idiot? Don't you think if I had the money, I would?"

2. "Do you enjoy working?
My answer: "It's not so bad. I have a great boss and my hours aren't too bad."
The answer in my head: "Stupid, spoiled rich girl who has everything handed to you on a silver platter. Of course I don't enjoy working. It takes me away from my kids. I am tired all of the time. And it is so mundane. I want to volunteer in my kids classrooms. I want to exercise and take my youngest to the park. Go to lunch with friends and have a fabulous dinner ready when my husband comes home.

3. "I am so excited for spring break. My kids and I need some time off."
My answer: "I am so glad for you. It is nice to change your routine sometimes.
The answer in my head: "Time off? What's that? Working mom's don't get time off. They use their time off for things like school plays, doctor appointments and their children's sick days. When we are sick, we go to work so we dont use our "break time."

So I know I sound a little harsh. And I am the queen of putting my foot in my mouth, but this last week I have thought (quite a few times) does this person realize what they just said and who they said it to?

It's like the 135 pound girl saying to the 248 pound girl "I don't know what to do, I can't lose these last five pounds."

Sometimes as I am talking to people I think, "I would love to kick this person in the teeth right now." Then I realize, their reality is different then mine and I can't judge them for it.

It's just really hard sometimes.

Spring!

A few days ago I noticed this in my front flower bed:



A blossom! I was excited enough to run and grab my camera and capture the moment. I love spring. For me it's a time of renewal. A time of excitement for what's to come. It certainly means being outside more....in the warm sunshine. It's just a feel good time of year.

Tonight, I was going through some VHS tapes while cleaning out an entertainment center. I came across a few tapes with no titles on the tapes. So I popped them in the VCR to see if they were keepers or if they needed to be tossed. What a delight to watch my sons C and J when they were 2 and 1 years old respectively. I giggled to watch J bouncing in delight to Elmo's World and watched C gulping out of a sippy cup. Then I listened closely to their words "ba ba" and "dada" and "ye-wo", "gween", "bwue". And I just shook my head in amazement at how they've grown and changed in the 7 years since that video was taken. I remembered how difficult those days were. Those two children were only 15 months apart. They were busy, exhausting times. And then I reflected on the kind of boys that they are becoming, and I felt filled with a deep sense of pride. Sometimes it's so easy to get caught up in the daily rigamarole (is that a word? I seriously feel like I make things up!). The business of the daily routine....get them up, fed, off to school, clean while they're gone, run errands, they're back....snacks, homework, chores, dinner, baths and back into bed. And then you start all over again. But tonight I think I realized that Oliver & I are doing an okay job. I feel renewed. I feel like....spring!

You know you're a tired mom if you've....

Meredith has sent me many emails that are titled "You Know You're a Redneck If"..." and then the email would show a picture or tell a story of some completely hilarious action.

So yesterday, I woke up exhausted (big surprise). From the minute I rolled out of bed until the minute I got back in, I felt like I wasn't sure if I could make it one more step.

I figured I would take a few shortcuts (which would normally be a total no-no in my house) to help me through the day.

I started out by getting my kids dressed. I knew (because I could see the clean ones still sitting in the clean pile) that neither one of the two younger ones had changed their underwear but I pretended not to notice so I wouldn't have to battle with them.

During breakfast (again the two younger ones) they dumped their cereal down the sink without really touching it and I again pretended not to notice (once again, avoiding a battle).

Before we left the house, the oldest hit the youngest and I hid in the bathroom (with the lights out) until the crying stopped.

My mother in law watched the kids while I was at work (they were out of school yesterday) and when I was done with work, she said they could stay for a while. I went to a young women's meeting and then went home for a nap. When it was time to pick up the kids, I pretended like I wasn't feeling good so my husband would go pick them up. He knew what I was up to but let me play it out anyway.

And when it was time to clean up the kitchen for the night, I wiped everything off the bar onto the floor and invited the dog in for a cleanup party.

So for today, I feel totally rested, the kids have been bathed, teeth vigorously cleaned, the floor in the kitchen cleaned (over and over) and I am trying to let my husband rest (not really working with the kids around) to make up for my slacking yesterday and I thought of that phrase "You know you're a redneck if you've" and I thought "You know you're a tired mom if you've..." which I have. I admit it.

What about you? Have you ever?

SAHM

So today, I went to my kids school no less than 4 times. Once, to drop them off in the morning. I returned at 10am to pick up my daughter S, who had a fever and a tummy ache. Then I received another call at 2:45pm (kids get out at 3pm) that my 4 year old son J had had a, well, let's call it a blow out. Bad enough that the school nurse didn't want to put him on the bus. So I figured, no problem, I've got half an hour before the school buses pull up and the school is only 5 minutes away. I gather up E & S and off we go to pick up J. Until I pull out of our subdivision and realize that there's a train blocking the road, and it's stopped. No sweat. There's another street up the road that will get me there. So I speed over there. The train, which had been previously stopped, started moving right as I was ready to cross the tracks. Okay, so now it's moving, let me head back to the first street. As I pull back onto the first street, I have to rub my eyes, because now the train is moving in the opposite direction. Okaaaaayyy... Turns out there were two trains, stopped side by side, heading in opposite directions. Really? Right then? In that crucial 10 minute window I had to get to the school to pick up my poopy son? Fine. Well I got J, headed home to a bus waiting in front of the house. Whew. All was well. I got everyone in the house, bathed poopy boy, got everyone their snack, helped E to the bathroom (did I mention my 5 year old broke her arm last week? Yep. It's been a fun "helping my daughter wipe" week), got everyone their snack, and then settled down to read an article. At 3:55pm I remember, oops, my daughter N is at school for tutoring. And off I go to pick her up. So. The point of my post? It's not to bore you with mundane details of my life. It is to say: I am so, so grateful that I get to be a SAHM. And I get to be a stay at home mom with no strings attached. I know that not everyone has that luxury. My sister being one of them. I know for a fact that there is nothing she would love more than to throw her work cellphone (or two, or three) in the trash and never have to answer another call. That's not reality for her. I am grateful that when I have a sick child, I get to pick her up. When my child needs help with homework, I get to help him. When my child forgot his homework at home, I get to take it to him. And when my child gets to sing a solo in a school choir performance, I get to go. The only boss I answer to is my husband. (And sometimes my 5 year old daughter, when she wants lunch at Subway!) My life is good, and I am so, so grateful!

My challenge

I too, have been struggling with what to write. As things have happened this past week, I have thought "was that bloggable?" When I read Meredith's Valentine Day post I was touched because I too, have thanked my Father in Heaven many, many times for having such a great sister. But I have also thanked him many times for the great women in my life in general. Today, I dropped off my youngest with my mother-in-law where I know he will be hugged and kissed and loved. He will be taught good things and he will be treated well. I just received a phone call from a dear, dear friend A who was sad and it broke my heart because she has cheered me up so many times in the past. I am excited to go visiting teaching this next week, because inevitably, I come home feeling so uplifted from the women I visit. Don't get me wrong. I love a good man just as much as the next girl :-) But thank heavens Heavenly Father saw fit to surround me with such great women.

So my challenge today (for the seven people that hopefully read this blog) is find a women who has helped you become a better person and let her know how much you appreciate her. Call her, put a letter in the mail or take her some cookies. Do something to show your gratitude.

I promise, it will make you feel great.

Happy Valentines Day!

I've been tossing ideas around in my head for the past several days, for a blog post. Should I blog about the first time I met J & A, my two adopted sons? Should I blog about Thursday and Friday when school was cancelled because of a huge snowstorm (okay, keep in mind I live in Texas....not a huge snowstorm, but huge for us!) and how it threw my whole schedule off? A myriad of other thoughts filled my mind....until I read this. I think el dia del amor (day of love!) merits a trip to this blog to read the post from today. Man, sisterly love....can there be anything greater? Of course, it made me think of my own sister Meagan. The stories I could tell! Meagan and I have resolved to write a reality show someday. There are things that we have shared that no one else in this world could ever understand....not our spouses, nor our children, nor our parents, nor our brothers! I love when I'm talking to Meagan on the phone and one of us says "remember when....?" I just know I'll end up in tears....either tears from crying, or tears from laughing so hard (it's usually the latter). And so, today, on Valentines Day, I'll just say that I am so grateful that out of ALL of the females in this world, and out of ALL of the friends that I have, the ONE that Heavenly Father chose to give me as a sister...was Meagan.